| Be Not Afraid - THE TWO WORLDS AT THE HEART OF EACH ONE OF US - by Jean Vanier Taken for his book “Be Not Afraid” (Paulist Press: NY, 1975) 29-34. |
| “In each one of us there is the despairing, the miserable, the poor, who escapes into a world of illusions of sadness of death battered by grief mourning for life for hope for a friend who has left who no longer notices mourning a defeat I fall into sorrow and despair Not worth acting creating loving - that’s illusion lacking motivation Better stick with what I’ve got a little money a small security mediocrity If I die too bad I give up any struggle Many of our hearts carry deep wounds wounds of indifference rejection hatred fear open wounds anguish to think that someone could touch them I’m afraid I build a wall around me a wall of timidity, aggression or depression I refuse to look at others for fear they might look back But sometimes through a sense that come and goes I have the feeling I can become otherwise I take off into work search for money wanting to seem big and strong through knowledge, power, money, success I dream of my greatness of my richness of my reputation of everything I can be I exist! I am someone! So I become the rich man who cannot see the poor Then one day the balloon bursts everything collapses and I fall back to the other side of the wall sorrow despair death Yet there is also this third world in me world of hope world of communion world of compassion the call to the Kingdom You hear them talking of this world of fraternity and peace all over the place They sing about it some of them live it I feel in the depths of my being this little grain which wants to grow when I meet this person when I hear that song when I read that book I want it to grow I believe in it I believe in it but then I don’t dare because I don’t really know what it is There’s a danger I might not find it and that could hurt and after all things weren’t too bad till now So what is this whisper inside me? what does it mean? what is it? But after all I don’t need it I don’t believe it’s really there and after all better keep a foot in the world of security Mustn’t give up completely Mustn’t lose myself It’s crazy to abandon yourself in the arms of the Father But very quickly you discover it isn’t possible to have a foot on each side Oh sure if I stay with words I can be on both sides because there can be a gap between words, thought, life I can say what I don’t believe I can believe what I don’t want But when it comes to life I must choose I cannot live in two worlds because life is like a growing tree and my face takes form from its roots The water I drink gives life to my leaves, my flowers, my fruit it feeds them And the kind of birds that come to rest will depend on the spring I drink from If I drink living water they will be the doves of the Spirit I hear in myself the hope the aspiration the call but they are so rarely fulfilled in my hands, my look, my face my words my being because I don’t drink from a pure spring I go on drinking water of riches of pleasure, prestige, and search for power I go on drinking stagnant waters of sadness and death of grief and depression So the only birds I see are the birds of despair crows of individualism, indifference, refusal, and pride I feel so terribly my inability to meet the call to compassion and universal love to availability to the spirit And yet the hope is there I know it I feel it whispering deep in me so I try again and again I’m afraid I don’t understand again I fall I don’t listen I lose all hope Who will help me to respond? Who will help me to the other side? still so much fear of uprooting it stops me giving myself giving myself unconditionally to your call fear of throwing myself once for all into the calm and marvellous lake of your love this lake which is the fountain of life this lake which flows endlessly to bring us life It is Jesus who walked between these two worlds and who calls us to follow Him. Jesus shows us where to find strength and hope and how to walk this road – for it is a mattering of walking. We must contemplate Jesus as He lived and, above all, follow Him, because we cannot be called disciples of Jesus Christ if we do not. And to follow Him is to put our hands in His hands, our steps in His steps. It is to take the same road and to stay on it. It is to let the fears fall away, putting our confidence in Him. So we enter gently and gradually into the world of the Beatitudes. The universe can only live, can only avoid falling into an immense conflagration of hate and death, if people start to attack the innumerable walls of fear which separate men, the universe can only live in peace if we all awaken to the importance of sharing and of welcoming others, above all the weakest, so that together we can make these two separate worlds one kingdom of brotherhood and love.” |
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